Talentino’s Diary: Entry 9 – “I Covet Simon Cowell’s Chest Hair”
Mel and I were cleaning up after a shoot the other day when we discovered Talentino’s diary. Luckily, he was out on a coffee run so we were quickly able to get a copy of some pages. Some might say that this is an invasion of privacy…those people need to calm down. He’s a puppet. We will regularly be posting excerpts from his diary on the site.
I covet Simon Cowell’s chest hair. There, I admit it. It’s not a nice thing to come to terms with but I have always envied the manly tufts of bear fur that poke out of Simon’s deep neck t-shirts. I was a raised a good Catholic boy and I know I shouldn’t covet…but I do.
As a puppet, I don’t have any body hair. For some reason people find that alarming. I have the hair on my head and that’s about it. I don’t even have eyebrows. But I really feel that if I could have chest fuzz like Simon I too could be a master of men.
This isn’t because I want to be rich, although it would be awesome. But I think it would help my journalistic career if I was as hairy as Simon. People take someone with chest hair seriously. Think of Anderson Cooper or Burt Reynolds. That’s all I want…legitimacy. Legitimacy through chest hair.