Mel and I were cleaning up after a shoot the other day when we discovered Talentino the intern’s diary. Luckily, he was out on a coffee run so we were quickly able to get a copy of some pages. Some might say that this is an invasion of privacy…those people need to calm down. He’s a puppet. We will regularly be posting excerpts from his diary on the site.
June 3, 2018
So, America’s Got Talent came back this past week and I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. After all it was last year on AGT that I first saw the love of my life: Petunia. You never know who or what you are going to see and or fall in love with.
I didn’t like that Sacred Riana girl. She reminded me of this goth girl I knew in high school who was always smoking clove cigarettes and threatening to put them out in my eyes. I told her, “Jokes on you, I’m flame retardent.”
I wish that I could grow chest hair like Simon Cowell. I don’t really grow hair any way, it’s all just glued on. I asked for some chest hair for Christmas last year but instead Jack got me a pair of mismatched socks and Mel gave me a soap on a rope. It smells like DJ Khaled’s cologne brand. I don’t like it.
Speaking of DJ Khaled, The Four: Battle for Stardom comes back this week. I know I’m ready to eat…not literally because I can’t eat, but in the figurative sense. I wonder what color track suit Khaled is going to wear? Will it match Diddy’s shirt or Meghan Trainor’s shoes? I think he should wear more purple velour. On second thought…maybe not. My skin is purple velour.
I have to go now, diary. Jack is making me buy him beard conditioner. He needs it. That boy has so many split ends on his face.