Talentino’s Diary: Entry 1 – ‘AGT’ Returns To Fill The Void In My Soul

talentino's diaryJack Tomas | Talent Recap

 

Mel and I were cleaning up after a shoot the other day when we discovered Talentino the intern’s diary. Luckily, he was out on a coffee run so we were quickly able to get a copy of some pages. Some might say that this is an invasion of privacy…those people need to calm down. He’s a puppet. We will regularly be posting excerpts from his diary on the site.

June 3, 2018

Dear Diary,

So, America’s Got Talent came back this past week and I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. After all it was last year on AGT that I first saw the love of my life: Petunia. You never know who or what you are going to see and or fall in love with.

I didn’t like that Sacred Riana girl. She reminded me of this goth girl I knew in high school who was always smoking clove cigarettes and threatening to put them out in my eyes. I told her, “Jokes on you, I’m flame retardent.”

I wish that I could grow chest hair like Simon Cowell. I don’t really grow hair any way, it’s all just glued on. I asked for some chest hair for Christmas last year but instead Jack got me a pair of mismatched socks and Mel gave me a soap on a rope. It smells like DJ Khaled’s cologne brand. I don’t like it.

Speaking of DJ Khaled, The Four: Battle for Stardom comes back this week. I know I’m ready to eat…not literally because I can’t eat, but in the figurative sense. I wonder what color track suit Khaled is going to wear? Will it match Diddy’s shirt or Meghan Trainor’s shoes? I think he should wear more purple velour. On second thought…maybe not. My skin is purple velour.

I have to go now, diary. Jack is making me buy him beard conditioner. He needs it. That boy has so many split ends on his face.

Love,

Talentino Recapo

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jack Tomas
Jack Tomas

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